Star Trek Conflicts
by Golden Tiger
Summary: A fight between Kirk and Picard for dominance of the Universe... or... something like that... :) This is my first story, please post reviews!
1. Chapter 1 :: To boldly go...

Chapter 1  
  
To boldly go…  
  
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Captains log: Tuesday… I found out that I just died… odd, I seem to be quite alive… Typical Nexus after effect… An odd futuristic captain killed me, and I am not too pleased at that, even though I am quite alive right now… which is quite strange I must tell you. I have a very unusual urge to leave this Nexus and to not get murdered this time, not that I'm cynical or anything… I saw the Enterprise-D get destroyed by a Bird of Prey, and I saw how childish their crew reacted. I could do everything better than that phony crew… All I want to do is command again…  
  
Bones got into Kirk's face and asked "What the heck are you doing?"  
  
Kirk blinked… "What just happened?"  
  
Bones, Kirk, Scotty, Spock, Uhura, Checkov, and Sulu blinked… They found themselves on an odd starship… the Enterprise NCC-1701-A  
  
Scotty spoke first… "Well, I'll be darned… I was exploring the galaxy in a shuttle Picard gave me…"  
  
Kirk interrupted… "Picard! He killed me!!!"  
  
"I thought you died in that energy barrier…"  
  
"Well, you're wrong. I was spit out of the barrier to help out Picard, and he let me die… I wasn't exactly regretting my death, being that I couldn't change anything… but I found out that I wasn't dead… I lived on in the Nexus."  
  
Bones chimed in, "What is that Nexus you are talking about? I'm no expert in strange and unusual things, but I'm not 140 anymore! I am, for some reason, a lot younger…"  
  
Everybody noticed that fact… and they blinked…  
  
The communication council beeped, and Uhura reported "Sir, we seem to have a crew… we seem to be ready for normal starship operations… as odd as it may seem, we await your next order…"  
  
"As odd as it may seem, we have a mission ahead of us. A group of arrogant diplomats and panseys have taken our position on an Enterprise designed to impress others with plush carpeting and to woo even more people with an impressive array of phony weaponry. I say we should retake our rightful positions in the galaxy!"  
  
Bones thought for a moment, then stated "Crusher is not a great doctor… has a strange son that is destined to be the most important man in the entire galaxy…"  
  
Scotty continues the rant, "La Forge is an Engineer to do everything by the book and to never impress anybody. Wesley done more impressive things than that forgery did!"  
  
Checkov continues, "My position has been automated by computers and can be handled by a chipmunk. They even have me doing communications!"  
  
Uhura bursts in, "Communications has been eliminated, an absolute outrage to me!"  
  
Sulu comments, "Picard even refuses to drink anything on the bridge, preferring to run to his 'Ready Room' to do so! He is more proficient at reading a book than commanding…"  
  
Spock contemplates, and makes a comment… "Sir, your actions are not logical… however, I feel that it is about time for the universe to add a manned Science Station to the bridge. So, Jim, I guess I'm with you…"  
  
Kirk gives a small smile… "Ok, then with full vengeance, we will get rid of Picard!"  
  
Spock replied, "There is a problem with your plan. The Enterprise-A is no match for the Enterprise-D or Enterprise-E. In fact, I doubt it would even be a challenge…"  
  
"Alas, there must be a way!"  
  
"The Guardian of Forever may be a key link… while we don't need to travel back in time, it does like to answer questions."  
  
"That is the Key Mr. Spock! Set course… for… um…"  
  
Sulu just smiled, "I know where it is, sir. Engaging at Warp 6!"  
  
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Commercial Break  
  
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Back to show  
  
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Captains Log, supplemental: Yet another day… We are patrolling Starfleet space, responding to distress calls, waiting for missions, reading books… generally waiting for the story to begin. What else would I be doing?  
  
The tactical council beeped… Worf blinked… then snapped out of his temporary daze and stated "Incoming communication from Starfleet, Priority 1…"  
  
Picard replied, "I'll take it in my ready room"  
  
"Sir, they want all bridge crew to see this…"  
  
"Fine, fine, on screen…"  
  
The UFP logo appeared for an instant, and was replaced with an Admiral's image. "Captain Picard, an unidentified anomaly appeared on the Yorktown's sensors during a routine sensor sweep of sector 47-Gamma. It appears that a starship came out of the anomaly and proceeded to the Guardian of Forever."  
  
This concept confused Picard, "The Guardian of Forever?"  
  
"Yes, a critical device to the stability of the universe! No civilized being ever visits the device twice. It has the capability of destroying everything we know. It is quite dangerous. Your orders, stop the starship from reaching the Guardian of Forever. You have full authority to do whatever you want to do in this matter Captain. We trust you fully."  
  
"You should. The Enterprise will succeed sir. I'll contact you back when the mission is complete"  
  
"Coordinates for the Guardian of Forever has been transferred to your ship. Proceed there immediately! Starfleet out."  
  
Wesley Crusher was manning Navigation at this time. Picard ordered "Proceed to those coordinates immediately, Warp 8, Engage!"  
  
Picard started to head to his ready room. "Number One, I would like to see you…". They both entered the captain's ready room.  
  
Picard got some tea, and sat down. "Number One, I have heard of this place before. It has the potential to damage this starship way before we even see it. It can answer any question and do anything. It isn't the nicest device out there, however. Only Captain Kirk has some trust with that machine… but he won't be in the picture…"  
  
Riker was confused. "Kirk died in the Nexus… he has been dead for a while. Why would you…"  
  
"Never mind that Number One. Just get all departments ready for the approach to the Guardian's Planet"  
  
"As you wish…". Number One left and the Captain continued to drink his tea, and he started to read Captain's Dispatch, a digital magazine.  
  
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Commercial Break  
  
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U!!!! P!!! N!!!!  
  
Your watching Star Trek Conflicts on UPN!  
  
unless you are reading it, in that case it isn't carried on UPN… why aren't you watching UPN? I thought you liked us… watch us  
  
UPN!!!  
  
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Back to story  
  
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Captains Log: RED ALERT TIME BABY! Yes sir, we are at Red Alert prior to orbiting the crazy Guardian planet. We are arriving there just about now, so I guess I need to go.  
  
*Crash*  
  
Kirk bounced around in his chair, "REPORT"  
  
Spock replied "We are adjusting our orbit… loading old configuration files…. there, we plotted all displacement waves, we're ok now…"  
  
"How strange, before it took a few orbits to do that."  
  
"The Guardian is not against us being in orbit this time, it seems."  
  
"Well, fine then, let us go visit the Guardian. Spock, Scotty, with me!"  
  
They proceed to the transporter room and beam down. In front of them, the Guardian of Forever.  
  
The Guardian spoke, "Good evening! It has been a while since we talked."  
  
Kirk replied, "We have to reclaim our rightful place in the universe. Our starship is too weak to do so. We need help. Where can we make our ship competitive?"  
  
The Guardian blinked for a bit… then replied, "Why have I been ignored after you visited me? Why does nobody talk to me? I am lonely out here!"  
  
"Starfleet ordered everybody to avoid this world, to avoid talking to you. I had no choice in the matter."  
  
"I know what has happened to you and I know your dilemma. I will not help you but I will tell your starship who will…"  
  
A communicator chirps… Spock responds and then reports "The ship has new coordinates."  
  
Kirk addresses the Guardian, "Thanks for helping us out, Guardian"  
  
"Time and Space have so many paths, so many proofs… you will serve your purpose well… now go…"  
  
"Kirk to Enterprise, 3 to beam up!"  
  
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On the Enterprise D  
  
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Captains Log, supplemental: We are coming near the Guardian's planet and I have a problem. I don't belong here, this is the Enterprise-D! I belong on the E gosh darn it! I read this magazine months ago! I must bring this up with the expert in the field…  
  
Picard comes to the bridge. "Counselor"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I am having some strange thoughts, like I belong on another starship, the Enterprise E"  
  
"I am having the same thoughts!"  
  
In fact, everybody spoke up saying the same thing. At this moment, Q appears.  
  
Picard points at Q, "Q! I KNEW IT!!!"  
  
"Tisk Tisk Tisk… I didn't cause this situation. You are correct, you don't belong here. I came to observe your current dilemma. A foe unknown to you as of now has caused your problem. To get out of this situation, you must kill him or he must kill you."  
  
"What sort of silly game is this!? What sort of meaningless double talk is this?!"  
  
"Mon Capitan, this isn't my game, it is his. I'll stop by from time to time to poke fun at you and him…", and thus Q disappeared…  
  
Wesley spoke up, "Captain, we are arriving at the Guardian… a starship is in orbit… the Enterprise-A!"  
  
Picard spoke, "The Enterprise-A?"  
  
Worf replied "Sensors confirm, the Enterprise-A… and she is raising shields…"  
  
"RED ALERT!!!  
  
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Next time on Star Trek Conflicts…  
  
We get to read a longer story! We see a battle of two generations and the wit of insult… What do you mean this isn't the description of the next episode of Jerry Springer? Oh, fine then, tune in and you will see what is next! 


	2. Chapter 2 :: Oh hunting we will go!

Chapter 2  
  
Oh hunting we will go!  
  
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Captains Log: Shields up, weapons armed, we are all ready to be our best. The Enterprise D is entering orbit as we speak which cannot be a good thing. We are preparing to continue our journey to get a more powerful starship to beat Picard... not that great that he wants to destroy us at this early juncture. However, this is only Chapter 2, so most likely he will not succeed... I hope...  
  
A council beeps. "Incoming communication from the Enterprise D..." Uhura reports.  
  
Kirk ponders for a moment... "Spock, should we reply to that message? What is the possibility that Picard knows I am alive?"  
  
"It seems unlikely that Picard has came to any conclusion as of yet, other than the fact that we are most likely intruders or unknown guests. Communication is a standard feature of federation starships in this era, so the decision is up to you."  
  
"Oh, gee, thanks..."  
  
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Back on Enterprise D  
  
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"No reply to our hail." reports Worf.  
  
Picard is curious. "What are they hiding? What vile secret are they keeping from us?"  
  
Troi makes an observation, "Sir, they are thinking right now."  
  
"Um.... so?"  
  
"Well, I thought it would help!"  
  
A council beeped. "They are replying to our hail... interesting..."  
  
"On screen!"  
  
The viewscreen flickers for a second, then Kirk's face appears. "This is Captain Kirk of the Starship Enterprise A."  
  
Picard blinks, then blurts out "Your alive!"  
  
The crew behind Kirk started to work, on something. "Yes, despite the actions of you! Oh, yes, why not time travel back into a desperate battle and doom me to death, you must have thought. Oh, that was a REALLY good decision considering that we could have time traveled back to ANY point in time and change ANYTHING to what we wanted... but no... you had to go back to THEN... didn't you!? Your not a captain to command an Enterprise, the Galaxy class isn't suited to be an Enterprise either... I am here to reclaim my rightful position in the galaxy, to get some women, to bring back an entertainment"  
  
"That is quite enough, Kirk. Your reckless and bound to die at a very young age. You can't live for 15 seconds in the true universe. You have absolutely" The viewscreen died.  
  
"Worf, what happened?"  
  
"The Enterprise A just went to warp... at warp 7"  
  
"Well, Find them Catch Them!"  
  
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Commercial Break  
  
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Back to story  
  
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Captains Log: Some nice cold space like day… We just fooled Picard big time, with all his fancy words… The only slight problem with that plan is that his ship is about 500 times faster than ours and now he is somewhat torqued! Oh well, we only have a few hours to go till we reach those coordinates…  
  
Kirk calls Engineering. "Scotty, can you give me any more speed?"  
  
"I'm trying as hard as I can to prevent my poor barons from blowing out at this speed captain. How about you slow down to the speed limit for once"  
  
"Suggestion noted. Spock, status?"  
  
"Enterprise D closing captain. They will catch up to us in 4.7 minutes."  
  
"4.7 minutes? 4.7 minutes!? They can catch us way before 4.7 minutes!"  
  
"I believe it has something to do with the fabric of the universe…"  
  
"Spock, any nebulas nearby?"  
  
"No, there is no nebula"  
  
"Any asteroid fields nearby?"  
  
"No, there is no asteroid field"  
  
"Is there any subspace quirks nearby"  
  
"No, there is no subspace quirk"  
  
"Is there any class 2 comets nearby"  
  
"Wait a minute, I'll go check!" Spock then wonders why the heck he just said that… "NO, THERE IS NO COMETS NEARBY!"  
  
"Well…. well in that case… what is nearby?"  
  
"All that is in space right now is a wooden ship with sails…"  
  
"SPOCK!"  
  
"No, I'm serious. We can reach that unusual ship before we are caught by the Enterprise D. Sulu has the coordinates right…. … now"  
  
"Sulu, set course for that ship and engage"  
  
Sulu typed for a bit on his council and the ship changed course. "Why are we going toward such a strange ship?"  
  
"If it is in this story, it must have a reason for being there…"  
  
"Um, sir… do you actually know the insane author of this story?"  
  
"Don't remind me…"  
  
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Commercial Break  
  
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Are you sick and tired of commercials?  
  
You don't even need to answer that question because I already answered it for you! Yes my friends, I will go away if you send me money…  
  
Got no money yet…  
  
Still here…  
  
Um… what do you mean that I only have 10 seconds left! I can stay as long as I want  
  
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Back to show  
  
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Captains Log, Supplemental: We are approaching the rogue federation starship… it is cowering behind an unusual alien starship that looks like an ancient sailing ship on Earth. No life forms are present on the strange vessel and the ship appears derelict. We will not hesitate to destroy that odd vessel if it leads to the destruction of the rogue Federation starship.  
  
Picard finally resolves a plan in his head. "Hail Kirk"  
  
Worf does so. "Channel open"  
  
"Captain Kirk, surrender your starship or we will be forced to destroy you."  
  
"Yes, it is rather interesting that you would destroy an alien starship to get to us. You just can't resist trying to kill me, can you Picard?"  
  
"You don't belong here, you are dead, you have threatened me… you must be neutralized, any way possible. Worf, arm Torpedos! If you don't surrender by the count of 3, I will fire."  
  
"That goes against the Prime Directive, dear Picard"  
  
"1, … 2…. 3. FIRE!"  
  
At this moment, both ships stop.  
  
Picard blinks, "Um… FIRE WORF!"  
  
"I can't, all weapon systems are offline"  
  
Meanwhile, on the Enterprise A…  
  
Checkov reports, "Weapon systems offline."  
  
Kirk just sighs… "Not again…"  
  
Both ships receive a communication from the wooden sailing ship.  
  
"We are the Organians. Yes, you have meet us before. Your race just cannot resist conflict and for some reason it involves us, again. We will resolve your difficulties and resolve your current crisis."  
  
At this moment, the bridge officers of both Enterprises vanished.  
  
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Next time on Star Trek Conflicts  
  
Cooking with Mel, your enjoyable chef! Oh yes, he slices, he dices, he makes a nice pizza! Yes, we all have to enjoy Mel's taste in food. 


	3. Chapter 3 :: The verdict is...

Chapter 3  
  
The Verdict is…  
  
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Captains Log: Bad weeee… very bad weeeee…. yes, my friends, the Organians sent us to this quite strange area! Well, it could be worse… Then again… it may be getting worse…  
  
Captains Log, Supplemental: The Enterprise crew is now trapped in an unknown area facing unknown peril. Whatever is to come, I am certain that we will be found as the better side.  
  
The crews of both ships were behind a stage area… a few random people separated the crews into two different rooms with green wallpaper. Everybody was handed a pamphlet entitled "Rules and Mandates for The Jerry Springer Show".  
  
Meanwhile, outside on the stage, the show started.  
  
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The Jerry Springer Show  
  
-------------------------------  
  
The outraged Organians  
  
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"Good evening everybody and welcome to the Jerry Springer show. I am your host, Jerry Springer, and tonight we are going to try and bring fun to the bland. Today's show is "The outraged Organians". Now, to our first guest, Torry!"  
  
Torry was brought out onto the stage.  
  
"Welcome Torry. Will you please introduce yourself to the crowd…"  
  
"Hi. I am the Organian captain that would have died if the attempt to destroy my ship was successful. I want to know who's fault it is and I want to show them what happens when somebody outrages me!"  
  
*The crowd cheers*  
  
Meanwhile, backstage, Jerry's 'Councilors' are hyping up the crews…  
  
"Ok then, best we move on folks. Now, we are bringing out the crews of both starships that were causing the outrage. Now introducing the Enterprise A crew!"  
  
The Enterprise A crew walks onstage to the music of "Highway to the Danger Zone".  
  
"Now introducing the Enterprise D crew!"  
  
The Enterprise D crew walks onstage to the music "Crazy Train".  
  
"So, Captain Picard… why did you fire at the Organian sail boat?"  
  
"Kirk caused it! He was a coward! He hid behind the sail boat."  
  
Kirk, pretty ticked off, replied. "You moron! You CHOSE to fire on the Organian ship! You just could not wait to kill me, and just like a poor marksman you Keep Missing the Target!"  
  
Picard did not like that. "I am still here, I am still alive. You have been dead several times over… and I am the one that is still creating movies…"  
  
Kirk decided to lunge at Picard's throat. In the battle that ensues, a few glasses were broken and a bruise formed on a bodyguard's upper arm. When things calmed down somewhat, Jerry went on.  
  
"So… Wesley Crusher, Mr. Data, Mr. Spock… you have greater mind power. Was there a way to prevent this?"  
  
Data and Spock shook their heads… Wesley spoke up. "Prevent it? I wanted it to occur!"  
  
The room fell silent. Random people in the crowd blinked.  
  
Wesley went on. "I have a secret relationship with"  
  
Jerry interrupted "Folks, it is time for a commercial break. The rest of Wesley's statement right after this."  
  
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Commercial Break  
  
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Back to Show  
  
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"You can continue Wesley"  
  
"I HAVE A SECRET RELATIONSHIP WITH COMMANDER SELA!"  
  
Commander Sela comes on stage to the music of "Wild Wild West"  
  
Picard thinks for a bit, "You know, I think this might be the proper time to KILL WESLEY!"  
  
The Enterprise D crew jumped Wesley while the Enterprise A crew just blinked. Commander Sela jumps into the fray and starts to poke out people's eyes. The body guards spend quite a while sorting out the mess. When the calm resumes, Jerry continues.  
  
"So, Wesley, how did you meet Commander Sela?"  
  
"I got some interdimensional skills off of a person called the 'Traveler'. I used those skills to meet Commander Sela. Things went on from there."  
  
"What do you plan to do now, Wesley?"  
  
"I plan to leave the Enterprise D and create my own havoc."  
  
Data, thanks to his emotion chip, speaks up. "How DARE you defile the memory of Tasha Yar! I will teach you a lesson!"  
  
Data charges Wesley… and Wesley runs for his life! So do the body guards! Jerry decides that nothing can be done about this, so he goes on.  
  
"So, Torry, our Organain, how do you judge our two crews here?"  
  
Sela takes a chair and tries to slow Data down by throwing it at him… The chair hits data, flies into the audience, and kills a random member.  
  
"Well, to tell you the truth, it seems like Wesley is guilty…"  
  
Sela jumps on Data's back and tries to yank out his hair. The crowd boos this.  
  
Torry goes on. "… so thus we will punish Wesley by sending him the farthest from our ship…"  
  
Riker jumps on Sela's back and tries to yank her off of Data. Picard and Kirk, feeling like the storyline isn't focusing on them enough, start to pummel each other.  
  
Torry continues "…The Enterprise D will be sent to a somewhat far off location too…"  
  
The crowd is getting sick and tired of yelling, so they storm the stage and start destroying random objects and people.  
  
Torry continues despite the disorder. "The Enterprise A may remain, but they should leave their location as soon as possible. That is our verdict". Torry vanishes in a puff of light.  
  
Jerry, currently buried in a mass of arms and legs tries his best to speak into the microphone attached to his neck. "Remember America, it isn't nice to beat up random people… OUCH, THAT WAS MY EYE GOSH DARN IT! Ok, BUDDY, YOUR GETTING IT.  
  
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Credits of Jerry Springer show, back to Star Trek Conflicts  
  
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Captains Log: I feel pain… Our ship is back on course to get more powerful after the Jerry Springer show. Next time I go on that show I better get a date!  
  
Captains Log, Supplemental: Wesley is gone, THANK GOODNESS. The Enterprise was moved to a position that is 4.7 days away at warp 9. We are proceeding back as best as we can. This is only a minor setback… Meanwhile, I hope nobody notices the big bandage on my bald head…  
  
Wesley Log: I am elsewhere… with Sela… and I am working on my plans to enact revenge on the universe! Mua Ha Ha!  
  
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Commercial Break  
  
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Back to Show  
  
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Wesley Log: I have a plan. It is as follows… get a ship, get a crew, get back home, beat things up! Weeee! Now, time to enact my plan!  
  
Wesley was walking with Commander Sela in a Space Port that nobody has ever saw before. Ships of all types and all varieties were here. A receptionist was in front of them.  
  
Wesley came up to the receptionist desk. "Excuse me, but we would like a ship please, and an Army would be nice."  
  
"Who are you, sir?"  
  
"Wesley Crusher"  
  
"I feel sorry for you. Anyways, you have no ship and no army allocated to you, so your are not going to get one."  
  
"Who do I talk to in order to get a ship?"  
  
"Anybody out there" She points to a central reception area.  
  
"Thanks"  
  
Welsey and Sela walk into the reception area and run into a rather official looking officer.  
  
Wesley decided to speak to this person. "Excuse me, but I am trying to find a ship and a crew"  
  
"Nice for you! What the heck do you need a ship and a crew for?"  
  
"I am in a series right now and the series is focusing right on me. So, thus, I am trying to find a ship and a crew to stay in the series…"  
  
"A SERIES!!! Count me in! I have a ship I won in Triple Triad, and I'm sure I can help you find a crew!"  
  
"Woo! Ok then, just who the heck are you?"  
  
"You may call me Cecil. I have been kicked out of a job ever since Final Fantasy IV ended. Who are you?"  
  
"I'm Wesley Crusher, and I was kicked out of the Star Trek universe because I was annoying and I had a relationship with another now unknown character, Commander Sela."  
  
Commander Sela chimed in. "Hi!"  
  
Cecil went on. "So, anyways, let us get a crew and then go to our ship to rejoin the series!"  
  
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Next time on Star Trek Conflicts  
  
The ancient legends of a long time ago and a galaxy far away come true… or maybe not… stay tuned. 


	4. Chapter 4 :: Reorganization

Chapter 4  
  
Reorganization  
  
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Sidenote: Due to a recent review, I continue on…  
  
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Captains Log, Stardate Unknown, that little clock we have has lost it's little mind…. Anyways, our ship has arrived at the coordinates given to us, and there is nothing here!  
  
Spock interrupted. "Correction, Captain, there is something out there. It is the Nexus!"  
  
The viewscreen focused on an irregular patch of color in space. Because this space phenomenon has never been on television, you have to use your imagination.  
  
Kirk blinked. "The Nexus? That makes no sense Spock… No Sense At All Mr. Spock! Mr. Spock, arrange all Senior Staff for a briefing…"  
  
Spock carried out the order. "Senior Staff… to the briefing room…"  
  
The entire bridge crew left the bridge to go to the briefing room. The bridge was left alone to beep to itself… The beeping began to form a pattern… a drone formed… the ship started to feel lonely… angry… it started to plan….  
  
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On the Enterprise D  
  
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Captains Log, Supplemental… I love that word… supplemental…. I found it in a book… Anyways, trying to hunt down the rogue starship has proven to be quite a problem. I've given the order to go back to where we were… and I just noticed that we have no navigator…  
  
Riker interrupted, "Like I said a few hundred times, we need a new navigator, but no, Mr. Picard had to…"  
  
Picard barked out "SHUT UP Mr. Riker SIR"  
  
Riker only grinned. The two glared at each other for some time… then Councilor Troi spoke up, "I sense aggression and determination…"  
  
Riker and Picard turned to Councilor Troi… and stared… and stared… Councilor Troi tried to match their stare, then she peeped out "Sir, I can navigate!"  
  
Riker and Picard blinked… Riker spoke, "Last time you did that, YOU RAN US INTO A PLANET!!!"  
  
"I'm getting better!"  
  
Picard defended her, "Perhaps she has improved since her unfortunate incident with the planet…"  
  
"I did, I swear it!" She showed Riker a printout, "See, SEE!"  
  
Riker fumed… "I don't think playing Star Trek Bridge Commander for an hour helps you out any…"  
  
Picard interrupted, "Fine for me! Take the helm, Troi"  
  
"YIPPIEE!!!"  
  
She ran to the council and started to do her nails.  
  
Picard pondered the situation, and scratched the bandage on his head… In his thinking, he asked "Mr. Data, is there any way to track down the rogue Federation starship on our own without any further knowledge?"  
  
"I don't know"  
  
Picard thought for a bit, then asked "Computer, is there a way to track down the rogue Federation starship on our own without any further knowledge?  
  
"Insufficient Data for analysis"  
  
"Hypothesize"  
  
"Due to the metafloric transfasic analytic protonic particilate matter in the hyperstrings around our current location, a transdimenional transspacial anomilic portal has emerged in our space on a course of 932 by 031 at 47 light years distance."  
  
Mr. Data chimed in, "Sir, there is no such thing as 932 by 031. Both course heading can be no more than 360 and no less than 0."  
  
Picard merely laughed, "The ship's computer is always right! Troi, set a course and engage!"  
  
Troi hummed to herself…  
  
Picard now moaned… "Troi, I'm warning you!"  
  
Troi, in a flurry of uncoordinated action, blurted out "Yes sir, immediately sir!" and she gone ahead and engaged the course.  
  
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Commercial Break  
  
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Do you have a headache? I do, so you must have one too! There is only one good solution to your headache, Full Strength Mr. BEAR! All those other pain relievers never work because they are inanimate white pills! Their strength is meek and limited! Mr. Bear is different… IT IS ALIVE!!! Yes, it goes through your veins, goes straight to your brain, and starts eliminating pain* immediately! You deserve nothing less! Get Mr. Bear now!  
  
*Note, while your pain receptors are ripped out of your cranium, other minor collateral damage may occur. We are not responsible for this… if you want to sue somebody, sue the Bear…  
  
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Back to show  
  
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Captains Log, I am developing a headache… hmmmm… Anyways, we ran to the briefing room to receive a briefing from the alustrous Mr. Spock and to see some nice animations and to hear crewman banter and to go WEEEeeeeeee….  
  
Kirk looked around the room, and whispered "weee?"  
  
Spock shook his head…. "Illogical… Anyways, we must get this briefing started."  
  
Kirk rose to full attention. "Yes, Spock, We MUST Learn more, We MUST start this meeting… it is our ONLY hope for a continued storyline!"  
  
"Right…. Anyways, the Nexus outside our ship has only been encountered a few times before, by us. In general, it is a navigation system like a Wormhole, except it goes to unknown areas, and unusual creatures sometimes spring into being around it… at times…"  
  
"We…. um… know this…. right?"  
  
"I would certainly hope so, Captain"  
  
Bones was irritated at this. "Are you stating then that our entire future relies on something that only a green blooded tin plated fact spewing bio- computer knows?"  
  
Spock stared at Bones, "Your bantering will not solve our problem. We should not be here, and some of us should be dead, so I wouldn't over analyze our situation."  
  
Uhura spoke up, "Sir?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Um… I haven't talked yet… so… Hi! Yes, anyways, if I recall, we had a map system of the Nexus…"  
  
"We did… fascinating… It would most likely be a bit off, since the Nexus should be destroyed right now… Computer"  
  
A pause… then some beeps… then… "Um… oh, Yes, Sorry, that is me! Computer Ready"  
  
Spock raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"  
  
"Voice Command not recognized."  
  
"Right, anyways, pull up maps on Nexus system."  
  
"Um…. Let me see… find … search… ah… yes. here!" A map appears of the Nexus system… somewhat incomplete but there none-the-less.  
  
Spock raises an eyebrow, "Computer, run diagnostics"  
  
"No errors detected"  
  
Kirk seemed fascinated. "Can we get a more updated map?"  
  
Spock thought for a moment, "If our ship enters when a grey phase is about us, then we should get a map… or at least, know we won't get one…"  
  
"Are you absolutely certain it is a grey phase? How do you know this Mr. Spock?"  
  
"The Computer told me earlier…" Spock glared at the computer monitor…  
  
Kirk was happy enough with that answer, "Ah, then it is set, let us go back to the bridge! Weeeee!"  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"Um, nevermind…"  
  
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Commercial Break  
  
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It is 8:24 PM, is your children doing their homework? I am not!!! Mua Ha Ha!!  
  
Um…. speaking of which….  
  
*running sound* *door open* *door shut*  
  
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Back to Show  
  
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Wesley Log: Could be worse… A part of the station was attacked today by an entity known as the Cheeseman… odd… Anyways, we weren't in that area… because we were here…. and if I ever figure out where here is, I'll tell ya! I want to know all!  
  
Wesley decided to strike up a conversation with Cecil while they walked and walked and walked through endless corridors… "Um, Cecil… what is our ship… I hear something about this whale…"  
  
"Um… the whale is not here… it got a contract with Disney Land! Darn it!!"  
  
"So… what exactly is our ship?"  
  
"Um… this may sound funny… but… it is Spaceball 2!"  
  
"Spaceball 2?"  
  
"SPACEBALL 2!!"  
  
"Ok, ok!" Wesley thought for a moment, "There is no Spaceball 2"  
  
"There is indeed! You see, they were making a movie, Spaceballs 2… but… it was canceled…"  
  
"Ah…"  
  
"Yes, pity for all… so, that is where my ship came from…"  
  
"Explain the ship to me…"  
  
"It is long… really long… has a nice fast drive… I think… nobody has ever taken it to top speed… has a circus, and a gorilla, a pizza man, a high school band, and a Xenoteratomorph."  
  
"A Xenoteratomorph?"  
  
"It is called Xeno for short… it moved in once the ship arrived. Well, it eats everything - plant and animal tissue, wood, ceramics, plastics, asbestos fibers, several types of metal, chairs, a desk and about half of everything a security officer wears. What it doesn't eat, it chews, and what it doesn't chew.. well, it just breaks up into tiny little pieces. In general, the sooner you get it off the ship the longer we live…"  
  
"So… why is this ship so good again?"  
  
"Because it is Spaceball 2!!"  
  
"Good enough reason! Weee!"  
  
"Weee?"  
  
"I fell down, you dork! PICK ME UP!!!"  
  
"Oh, sorry!"  
  
So, Wesley was picked up, and the clan walked on…  
  
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Next time on Star Trek Conflicts  
  
It will be July! Um… well… if the next episode is before then, I'm sure you will be all happy! 


End file.
